Time travel set! Everything is changing! In honor of this, I’m going to do something stupidly thematic for no real reason!  Since everyone is talking about Tiny Leaders, the new EDH format variant du jour, I’m going to include a section on how these new generals will affect Tiny Leaders.  (Please note: I’ve never played Tiny Leaders not once, and I have never met anyone who has.)

But hey, want to stop there? Since I’m addressing the current EDH format variant du hour, why not also talk about the previous attempts at EDH format variants du jour, Plain Cheese and Orange Enemy? (Please note: I dictated this part, and this is how my iPad interpreted “Planechase” and “Archenemy,” and there no way I’m changing that.)  What could possibly go wrong in talking about those?

[Rando disclaimer: Just in case you get the wrong idea (and I can’t possibly imagine how that would happen), I have absolutely no issue with the Tiny Leaders format. In fact, I think it sounds fun, and I will put some decks together provided I can find anyone else who’s actually interested in playing it. I just find amusing how quickly it has gone from being something that nobody ever heard of something to literally everyone is talking about. I believe this took about two weeks, and as far as I can tell came from an article on Starcitygames. I find this amusing because most format variations given actual releases by WOTC completely fail, and this one seems to be working (for the moment). That is very amusing for me.]

Hey, new generals!

White person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Run it as an “alternate general” in your Ghave deck in an attempt to not get immediately targeted because, despite your best intentions, you built a Ghave deck that has like seven ways to accidentally go infinite, all involving Ghave. (Please note: this is not your fault. Ghave is, like, the second easiest general to go infinite with just by playing cards that seem like they would work well with him.)

How does it compare to previous generals?

Well, it’s Izznt colors and involves counters, which means it’s going to instantly get compared to Ghave, and it’s going to lose every single one of those comparisons. But hey, it can steal counters from your opponents creatures!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Ha! Spike Cannibal! Cannibal theme deck!

How will it affect Tiny Leaders?

It allows you to lose on turn one.

How will it affect Plain Cheese?

Nobody plays that format.

How will it affect Orange Enemy?

That format sucks.

 

Blue person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Pretty sure it’s something involving spells that make it unblockable combined with paying mana and giving it double strike to kill you with general damage in about two turns. Considering both Distortion Strike and Artful Dodge exist, as well as about a billion other things that do something similar, this seems like something you should expect to see a lot.

How does it compare to previous generals?

Considering most of the previous Red-White-Blue generals lean towards grindy control things, the prospect of playing a straight-up aggro general in these colors seems (sort of) interesting. On the other hand, why not just wait into you get to six mana and play Narset for the InstaWin?

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Aside from building an Aggro deck, this guy doesn’t really suggest anything particularly obvious. Therefore, the most interesting thing you can do with this guy is to build anything that isn’t an aggro deck.

How will it affect Tiny Leaders?

Remember when I talked about that deck that makes it unblockable? Well, in Tiny Leaders, your deck is 50% smaller, meaning you have to sift through a lot less crap to find those effects! What fun!

How will it affect Plain Cheese?

Nobody plays that format.

How will it affect Orange Enemy?

That format sucks.

 

Black person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Ok, so this dude is pretty much entirely about his activated ability. And since you can’t do anything during the resolution of his activated ability to remove whatever surprise bad cards go to the yard before your opponent can choose them, you’re always going to get the worst card from your graveyard that isn’t a land. I’m pretty sure that means that the most obvious thing that you can do with this guy is to play a pure GoodStuff  deck.

How does it compare to previous generals?

Well, it’s “graveyard matters” more than “counters matter”, so it’s more Sidisi than Vorosh, if that helps.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Something involving confusing your opponent, since his ability makes them choose.  Is this the optimal general for 3-color ReadIt? Quick, what does Gargantuan Gorilla do? Can you explain Chains of Mephistopheles in Italian? What exactly is going on with Wittigo, anyway? Does the world end when I enchant Gaea’s Liege with Aspect of Wolf? Three-color ReadIt is a winner!

How will it affect Tiny Leaders?

Maybe you can convince your opponents that since his mana cost can be reduced to 3, he actually costs 3! Good luck! Three-Color Tiny ReadIt is a go!

How will it affect Plain Cheese?

Nobody plays that format.

How will it affect Orange Enemy?

That format sucks.

 

Red person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Probably something involving things that have 2 or less power in the graveyard, but not in play. Mouthbreathing Horde, perhaps?  Aside from that, Small Friends.deck seems likely. That, or Goblins.

How does it compare to previous generals?

Hey, it’s the first Mardu General to cost less than 100000 mana and/or be the most obviously linear thing ever printed. Tight! Perhaps you like Aggro The Hard Way. I am not judging you.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Aggro The Hard Way! Small Friends! Go go go!

How will it affect Tiny Leaders?

It’s tiny! It’s a leader! This lady is most likely to effect the format by launching a billion rumors that the people at Wizards designed this card specifically for the Tiny Leaders, ignoring the fact that Tiny Leaders became popular like 2 weeks ago, and this card was designed like 2 years ago. Oh wait, time travel set! Lookout!

How will it affect Plain Cheese?

Nobody plays that format.

How will it affect Orange Enemy?

That format sucks.

 

Green person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Pumps and Threaten effects! RUG deck that isn’t Animar or Riku! RUG GOODSTUFF, just like every other RUG deck ever!

How does it compare to previous generals?

In comparison to every other RUG GoodStuff General, it’s terrible. In comparison to Flash for Ass Man, it’s kinda OK. Seems fine!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

You know that terrible One Direction song, “Steal My Girl”? BOOM! Time to make a “Steal Your Man” theme deck! All I want to do is steal your man! All I want to do is take your man away! Couple billion in the whole wide world! Find another one, because this one will bite your face!

How will it affect Tiny Leaders?

Hey, a leader for your Small GoodStuff deck as soon as they ban Animar (you know it’s coming!)

How will it affect Plain Cheese?

Nobody plays that format.

How will it affect Orange Enemy?

That format sucks.

 

White green dragon person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Um, Doubling Season?

How does it compare to previous generals?

Um, it’s a White-Green Dragon?

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

I’m not entirely sure what we are supposed to do with Bolster, other than use it to make some sad dude huge. Alternately, maybe this dude is your only dude, and then he makes himself HUGE! Boom! Is this the general for some sort of weird My 1st EDH variant that makes your dinosaurs more huge? Oh dang!

How will it affect Tiny Leaders?

He’s not tiny! He’s huge!

How will it affect Plain Cheese?

Nobody plays that format.

How will it affect Orange Enemy?

That format sucks.

 

White blue Dragon person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Boring White-Blue? Is there any other kind of White-Blue?

How does it compare to previous generals?

Hey, it’s White-Blue! Here’s a history of every White-Blue deck I have ever built:

1. Grand Arbiter Agustin IV

Built this about a month after I started playing the format in early 2008. It was super archetypal in exactly the way you would expect. Yes, it ran Spell Burst (with Buyback.) This deck was completely miserable to play, both with and against. Took it apart within a few months. Have never wanted to build white-blue control since.

2. Sygg, River Guide

This was my first attempt to build a white-blue aggro deck. As I’m sure you can imagine, this deck sucked. I understand that Sygg is a fairly common General Damage Voltron General, but since we weren’t playing with General Damage, it just meant I was trying to play aggro with extremely inefficient dudes. Oh, did I mention this was Merfolks tribal? Took it apart within a few months. Now stuck with a giant pile of foil Merfolks.

3. Hanna, Ship’s Navigator

So this one I actually still have together. I built this a few years ago during a blizzard, when I randomly decided to build a “Blizzard” theme deck. Nice life! The initial build of this was unique in that it ran no counterspells. In fact, it ran so few instants that I was actually running In The Eye of Chaos for a while. Of course, since I was playing White-Blue, no one believed me, as they still expected me to counter everything. I hate White-Blue.

So is this the general to get me back on the White-Blue train? Um, no.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Tap your man! He doesn’t untap! Play Crackdown! He doesn’t untap…EVER!

(That’s not interesting.)

How will it affect Tiny Leaders?

It won’t.

How will it affect Plain Cheese?

Nobody plays that format.

How will it affect Orange Enemy?

That format sucks.

 

Blue black dragon person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Tool token decks? “Hey, nice tokens! Taste it!”

How does it compare to previous generals?

Good lord. Can I just say, “not well,” and move on?

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Play Nuscience Engine! Make a bunch of Pests! Pesty! Play Conspiracy! Name…Dragon! Attack with a bunch of Pesty Dragons! Nice team, yo!

How will it affect Tiny Leaders?

It attacks! Your team dies! Then I lose for playing an illegal deck! GG, nub!

How will it affect Plain Cheese?

Nobody plays that format.

How will it affect Orange Enemy?

That format sucks.

 

Black red Dragon person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

SUPER AGGRO GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How does it compare to previous generals?

Um, it’s super aggro go go go? Rawr?

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Dash for Ass.deck! Boom! The legend will never die!

How will it affect Tiny Leaders?

Yes, I copy pasted that from every other one of these stupid articles I have ever written. No, I do not feel guilty about this. Also, he costs 5.

How will it affect Plain Cheese?

Nobody plays that format.

How will it affect Orange Enemy?

That format sucks.

 

Red green dragon person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Pump/Swing/One-Shot You.deck? Xenagod/this/take-a-billion.deck?

How does it compare to previous generals?

Big! Trampley! Stupid! Hey, it’s Red-Green!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

I realize I just described Rob Gronkowski in that last bit. Quick, who wants to build a Gronk theme deck?

Also, if you haven’t read about “A Gronking to Remember,” please google that immediately.

How will it affect Tiny Leaders?

No, for reals. “A Gronking to Remember.” This is the world in which we live, kids.

How will it affect Plain Cheese?

Nobody plays that format.

How will it affect Orange Enemy?

That format sucks.
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That was fun! I love you! You’re beautiful, and you have great taste in everything! Stay classy!

XO,
->Mr. P

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If Mr. P were in ancient Chinese philosopher, he would be Scum Tzu. If Mr. P were a gummy bear, he would be Scummi Gummi. If Mr. P were a house in New Orleans, he would be called the Rising Scum.

Mr. P is very sorry he insulted your Orange Enemy and Plain Cheese formats.