Better late than never!

Selvala, Explorer Returned

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Make some sort of Green/white Friendship thing? Hope it gets ignored long enough to madly ramp you into something huge?

How does it compare to previous generals?

In terms of being a general that both taps for mana and draws cards (and gains life), Selvala does occupy some unique space.  Does that make her good? I’m not sure, but she sure is an unholy beating in Limited! Oh dang!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Unfortunately, Green/White Big Mana and Green/White Lifegain are both pretty, um, explored territory at this point.  Maybe you want to try to build your own version of “My 1st EDH”? Maybe you want to cast Ageless Entity and cackle like a bastard? Go go go! Is this interesting? Probably not!

Muzzio, Visionary Archetect

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Ok, so let me tell you a story.  Some time in the next three weeks, this exact thing will happen to you:

It’s EDH night at your local games store, and you’re sitting down to play with someone you’ve never seen before.  He appears to be a new player to the shop, and he pulls out his Artifact Man Guy deck and says the following:

“Oh, don’t worry, it’s not THAT Muzzio deck.  In fact, this deck isn’t even that good.  It’s just something I threw together for fun.  It’s totally fair.  In fact, it’s probably bad.  Don’t worry.”

There are two things about this statement:

  • 1) The person saying this TOTALLY BELIEVES IT, and
  • 2) THAT PERSON IS LYING.

This, my friends, is The Myth of Mono-Blue.

I’ve heard people say this about Memnarch decks, Braids decks, Venser decks, Sakishima decks, Lorthos decks, Arcum decks, and Azami decks.  I’ve said it about my Talrand deck.  

I really meant it when I said it, and I was totally full of shit.

Mono blue decks are all inherently broken.  Sorry.  The only mono blue decks I’ve ever seen that were legitimately fair were my friend Tyler’s “Leviathan Stompy” deck that ran crap like Polar Kraken and Marjhan, and my (now defunct) Ixidor, Reality Sculptor Morphs deck that was so horrendously bad that they had to ban Trade Secrets out of spite, even though the deck didn’t run it.

Fair Mono-blue decks are a myth.  Feel free to flame me in the comments as much as you want, but don’t for one second try to deny the truth.

So what’s the most obvious thing you can do with Artifact Man guy? Clearly it’s make the “fair” version of the Arcum deck, even though we all know that that doesn’t exist.

How does it compare to previous generals?

Hey, it’s the “fixed” version of Arcum Dagsson! Since there’s no way to manipulate what’s on top of your library in EDH, this guy will be totally fair! There’s no way this guy is digging out Disk/Forge every game, he’s the “fixed” version of Arcum!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

One of the challenges that EDH has is that, even though it’s a “casual” format,” it is still defined by a finite pool of playable cards.  While the pool of EDH playables is larger than say, Legacy, there are still only so many cards that you will actually see people playing.

So, you want to actually make a “fair” deck with this dude? OK then! Time to break the Chimeras!

Do you remember the Chimeras? I bet you don’t, at least if you’re the type of person who likes to play with cards that are not awful! The Chimeras were a series of four artifact creatures from Visions that had the creature type “Chimera” and could sacrifice themselves to give another Chimera a bonus.  Voltron baby! Artifact value, baby! Did you notice they combo with Lifeline? Tight!

But wait! Why stop there? Since you’re already committed to playing bad artifact synergies, why not run the Modular suite and REALLY confuse people! Oh dang! Arcbound Overseer for the GOD DAMN WIN!

…I’ma stop now.

Brago, King Eternal

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Blink Deck Value Guys! How many times can you build Blink Deck Value Guys? Well, you can build Roon, or you can build it with less colors.  Perhaps you don’t want to run Eternal Witness in Blink Value Guys? Here you go!

How does it compare to previous generals?

Um, it flies? It blinks things? It’s old? Hey, blue/white!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

I would imagine that something involving this guy might involve, ummmmmm, GoodStuff? Getting away from that, this guy is clearly the optimal choice to be included in Oloro Dudes-In-Chairs Tribal, alongside Vish-Kal and King Macar, the Gold-Cursed.  Do I have any good ideas with what to do with dude, or am I just flapping me gums to fill space? Wouldn’t you like to know!

Marchesa, the Black Rose

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Probably something involving Grave Betrayal?  Undying guys for the god damn win? Mikaeus the Unhallowed? It’s not like this is hard, y’all.

How does it compare to previous generals?

So, for my money, nothing in Blue/Black/Red will ever be as good as the original Blue/Black/Red general.  No, not Nicol BolasSol’Kanar the Swamp King, baby!

So is this thing better than Sol’Kanar the Swamp King? Ha! Does she beat for 5 with evasion? NO! Does she gain you life? NO! Does she has ass-kicking Richard Kane Ferguson art? I don’t think so!

So, in conclusion, Marchesa the Black Rose is less good than Sol’Kanar the Swamp King.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Between Marchesa and Gwendolyn Di Corci, it’s high time someone built a “Aggressive Ladies” deck!  Off the top of my head, I’ve got all the iterations of Liliana and Chandra, Exava, Lovisa Coldeyes, a bunch of Innistrad vampires including Olivia Voldaren, as well as a ton of rando things that feature ladies in the artwork.  No for reals, this isn’t sexist, y’all!  Quick, someone build this!

Grenzo, Dungeon Warden

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Build Goblin Douche.dec! Boom! Quick, give me another easy one!

How does it compare to previous generals?

Is it better than Wort, Boggart Auntie for your Goblin Douche deck? Who cares! New and shiny, baby!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

I won’t lie, I find the whole “reverse tuck” mechanic kinda fascinating in a bad sort-of way.  In fact, I almost wrote a (bad) article in which I was going to make fun of people who were complaining about the Tuck rule that was pretty much entirely based around the existence of Cellar Door as a horrendous piece of tech for decks that absolutely could not deal with their general being tucked.  

I’d like to take this opportunity to say “you’re welcome” to the world for not writing that article.

Honestly, I like this guy as a weird value engine for a deck that wants to run a lot of relatively cheap creatures, and doesn’t care which ones it gets.  Also, since he checks power in the graveyard, anything that is a base 0/0 that gets counters when it comes into play is fair game for his ability.  Oh wait.  That includes the Modular team!  Oh dang! Two Modular decks in the same column! I’m fired!

XO,
->Mr. P
@ thingsMrPthinks

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Mr. P is fired.