Oh hey! So the full spoiler is live, and there are only the Khans to talk about. This should be tight! Boom!

USA-Friendly Monk Lady Person 

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it? 

I was going to go with Mystical Tutor for Time Stretch, but then my friend Shawn helpfully pointed out that the actual most obvious thing to do with this is to play every possible card that says “destroy all lands. 

So anyways, the most obvious thing to do with this guy is attack and reveal Razia’s CataclysaJokulhaupsAgeddon and some combination of Boros Charm, Faith’s Reward, Ajani’s Presence, and/or anything else that allows you to have a board while simultaneously making everyone else get out their phones. Sounds fun!

How does it compare to previous generals?

Um, yeah. I was really psyched to get a non-Land Destruction general to replace Numot, and now we get one that’s arguably better at Land Destruction. Um, thanks?

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Ok, so I don’t know if this constitutes “interesting,” exactly, but how many “extra combat step” cards have been printed? Because as far as I can tell, the single most pointless thing you can do with guy is to attempt to use some combination of attack triggers, Mana Severance, Selective Memory, Mnemonic Nexus and bad decision making to achieve infinite attack steps. I’m almost tempted to build this, play it once, and then take it apart and go do community service. In other news, I’m pretty sure Kaka has already built this deck.

 

RUG-Bearpunch Man!

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it? 

Flash for Cash? Flash for Ass? Flash for Flask? Who cares what it does, it’s “Flash for Ass.deck,” son! Lookout!

How does it compare to previous generals? 

Look at the 4 existent RUG generals (Riku, Animar, Intet, and Dudemar.) Can you find the common trend? 

So, if you came back with “these generals are all incredible GoodStuff engines,” you’re RIGHT! Beyond being the native colors of ToothNNailForKikiJikiExarchMite, RUG also suffers from the fact that it is arguably the strongest color combination for playing a Beatdown deck that can also play Control; you get Green for ramp and huge dudes, Red for haste, and Blue for draw, counters, and flyers. Add in the fact that blue now has one of the best “board wipes” ever printed (Cyclonic Rift), the endless potential to run InstaWin combos, and all of a sudden you have 58 of your 61 slots filled with boring “format staples.” 

So does this guy change that? Hell no! Say hello to the new general of your boring RUG GoodStuff deck!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it? 

Ok, let’s build Flash for Ass! The Flash part is pretty obvious, but what about that Ass? My first thought here would be to enlist GUDoug for some art theme help, as the only thing I can come up with is Kami of the Crescent Moon, which leaves me about 98 cards short. Maybe dudes with giant butts? Wall of Stone, what? Also, Wall of Frost and Wall of Ice, as well as the new Turtle who gets lost easily. Wait, Flash Walls? How horrible! 

Quick, contest! Send us your best deck list for “Flash for Ass.deck”, along with a write-up attempting to justify your existence. You can use my horrible theme, or another one (as long as it’s not some boring GoodStuff list.) The deck that amuses me most will win…something.

 

BUG-Gender Nondeterminate Snake Person Thing 

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it? 

Replace The Mimeoplasm with it, convince yourself that your self-mill deck is now original and fair. Why not? 

How does it compare to previous generals?

Important differences between this and The Mimeoplasm:

  • Mimeoplasm wants to mill itself. This wants to mill itself in small increments. 
  • This wants to win with 2/2s named “Zombie.” Mimeoplasm wants to win with 2/2s named “Laboratory Maniac.”
  • Nobody trusts the Mimeoplasm. People haven’t figured out if they trust this guy yet. Don’t be responsible for making people not trust this guy. 

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it? 

I think it’s tragic that no one plays Mana Severance in EDH, except for someone who I’m sure has decided that playing it with Charbelcher is somehow awesome (NOTE: it’s not.) How much does Gender Nondeterminate Snake Person Thing like Mana Severance? Um, slightly more than average? Am I writing about Mana Severance for the second time in this article because I can’t think of anything else to say about this guy? Wouldn’t you like to know!

 

Izznt-Chariots of Goats Lady

(Editor’s Note – “Izznt”, as in “It’s green, black, and white.  It ‘izzn’t’ Izzet.”)

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it? 

Hope it becomes a defining card in the new Standard, and trade it to Standard players? 

How does it compare to previous generals?

Costs three, like Doran. Attacks a lot, also like Doran. Puts +1/+1 counters on your team, like Ghave.

Ok, so how about those comparisons? Well, Doran is more objectively powerful in build-around mode, although most Doran decks are pretty sad when Doran is not in play, so on that level Chariot of Goats is easier to support (if less good.) Clearly it’s not going to be better at putting counters on your team than Ghave, so don’t try.

What does this mean? Expect people to try to leverage Doubling Season, Corpsejack Menace, Hardened Scales or (if they hate themselves) Primal Vigor to have a nutty nutty time with Chariots of Goats Lady. You should mentally prepare yourself to tell people you have no Doubling Seasons for trade for the next 6-11 months. Have fun! 

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

I won’t lie, I haven’t quite figured out what I’m supposed to do with the “graveyard creature hoser” quality, except for maybe make fun of all the people who show up with their shiny new Gender Nondeterminate Snake Person Thing self-mill deck. Is it possible to somehow build a deck that somehow Mindslavers people into playing a self-mill deck? Because if so, that’s the most obvious thing to do with this.

 

RWB-Orc Friendship Man

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it? 

(Inserts obligatory SUPER AGGRO GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!! comment here.)

Other possibilities: Fun with Sunforger.deck, World of every Sword of Value and Card Advantage ever printed.deck, General Damage Voltron.deck, land destruction.deck, and/or the inevitable stab at Orcs Tribal (good luck.) 

How does it compare to previous generals? 

So, the nice thing about this dude is that RWB has arguably the least interesting set of current generals; everyone (rightfully) detests Kaalia (except for the people who insist that Master of Cruelties is actually awesome), everyone looks at Tariel and says “wow, that sure does cost a lot,” and everyone looks at Oros, the Racist and then builds a deck that works against it anyways, because they have no other options (I once used Oros as the general of a Zombies Tribal deck, even though his triggered ability would kill my entire team if anyone ever used it.) So hey, new options are good! Also, this guy works really well with Fervent Charge, one of my all-time favorite Read It! cards. Big win!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it? 

I’m not sure it’s anywhere close to “interesting,” but certainly doing something thematic with this dude seems kinda awesome, although I’m not entirely sure what that is. Horsemanship? Maybe Mono-Haste? I’ve always wanted to run Spark Trooper in EDH, even though Spark Trooper has never been playable in any format ever. Quick, someone put together a list for Orc Friendship Man Mono-Haste.deck! Sure, it won’t be good, but at least the games will be fast! Boom!

.     .     .     .     .

Ok! Obligatory comments-fishing outro!  (Editor’s Note – That means “Chime in below in the ‘Comments’ section to let us know what you think!’)  See y’all in Hell!

XO,

->Mr. P
@thingsMrPthinks
 

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Stacks on deck!

Patron on ice!

Mr. P will pop bottles all night!

You can have whatever you like!