Oh hey, Wizards! Thanks for totally throwing off my prognostications by actually including Legendary dudes in M15! You must like EDH!

Let’s do this!

Five Color Sliver man

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

If you need me to answer this, perhaps you should leave right now.

How does it compare to previous generals?

I won’t lie, this thing is probably not going to replace Sliver Overlord (which can tutor it up) or Sliver Queen (which is old school and expensive) as the general of your Sliver deck any time soon. (I’m ignoring the possibility of Sliver Legion as a possible Sliver general, because…yeah.)  As an aggro general, the -2 power is really relevant, especially if you’re going for general damage.

Of course, this one is new and shiny, so I fully expect that a bunch of newer players will gravitate towards it.  Also, it’s a five color Sliver, so if you’re even thinking about playing this you know all of this anyways.  Let’s move on!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Of course, the OTHER option is to run this dude as the puppet general of your ‘5-Color GoodStuff ComboFest!’ thing.  Aside from that, I would suggest some weird thing with “Tribal Matters” cards and esoteric crap like Unnatural Selection and Artificial Evolution (perhaps imprinted on Isochron Scepter for the lose?) to do something very, very janky (but indestructible!)

Avacyn, Angel of Less Good

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Here’s a fascinating idea: Angels tribal! Who has ever done that before?

How does it compare to previous generals?

I like nice easy questions, and this one is about as easy as it gets: instead of comparing this to other white legends, we can just save time and COMPARE IT TO THE ONE THAT HAS THE SAME NAME AS IT.

Yeah, so this is way, way worse than the last version of Avacyn.  Nice life, Mr. P!

Of course, since the last Avacyn was annoying and often inspired people to do things like play Armageddon and then wonder why everyone hated them, the fact that this is less good isn’t really the worst thing ever.  Honestly, the general that this compares most to is probably Eight-and-a-Half Tails, except that it’s bigger and more flying and less specifically annoying.  Seems OK?

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Mono-White whatever! Ok then!

Blue Polymorph Lady Person

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Something involving Blightsteel Colossus and a bunch of token generators and manlands and no other creatures? Nice life!

How does it compare to previous generals?

In a “fair” deck, this is going to trade some rando guy for another rando guy.  The fact that this didn’t get slapped with the sorcery-speed restriction is nice, as it makes blocking with your randos and then swapping them for other randos a possibility.  Tight!  Will people immediately try to fix their randos with crap like Sensei’s Divining Top and Soothsaying and Brainstorm and Conch Horn (LIVE THE DREAM)? Probably!  Whatever!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

I won’t lie, I’m tempted to use this as an excuse to bring back the Morphs deck, which was so awful that it was used as a form of pest control in several countries.  Will my crappy Morph guy turn into something awesome, or into another crappy Morph guy? WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?

Ob Nixlis, the Oh I Got Waaaaaaaay Better

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

I’ve already had the conversation with a bunch of players at my LGS, so let’s just get it over with right now; at the moment, the only things in mono-black that let you “force” an opponent to tutor are Maralen of the Mornsong (which is not optional, and damn sure to either find them their missing combo piece, or something that kills Maralen and this annoying thing), or Ghost Quarter (which has a “may” in its rules text for the dream-crush.) If you want to venture onward and outward into another color, green offers a handful of other things including Collective Voyage, Fertilid, and New Frontiers that may or may not make everyone refuse to every play with you again.

If you want to take this process to its illogical extreme, Boldwyr Heavyweights is a nice “I Dare You” to try out.  Good luck!

…No, but really, the most obvious thing you can do with this is to run a mono-black ‘GoodStuff’ thing that dares your opponents to play ramp spells.  How fun!

How does it compare to previous generals?

Of course, there is something to be said for curbing ramp strategies.  As mentioned above with Avacyn, Ob Nixilis gets the benefit of being directly comparable with its original iteration, which also weirdly wants to run a bunch of green ramp effects.  Is Ob Nixilis destined to forever be a support player in Green/Black GoodStuff? You tell me!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

I’m slightly beginning to regret my commitment to keep “What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?” as one of the prompts, as I have no real idea what you’re supposed to do with this guy that isn’t either 1) obnoxious or 2) pure GoodStuff.  Perhaps you want to run some mono-black “KillsALot” type thing to really jam his “whenever sometimes dies” trigger? Is that interesting? I doubt it.  Maybe you could do something with Demons? Is that interesting? I’m sorry, I have no interesting suggestions for this dude.

Red ComboFest Guy

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Red ComboFest, baby! Now with 10000% more Voltaic Key and Clock of Omens!

How does it compare to previous generals?

In the Red Mono-Brown deck (which is already a thing), this guy is arguably a better general than Bosh, Iron Golem, who typically gets to be in charge but also costs 10,000 mana and is kinda underwhelming.  Other than Bosh, the list of Red generals who care about artifacts is predictably short (although I suppose Slobad, Goblin Jedi Mindtricker would like to say “hi!”)  Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Not sure!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Sadly, when I start thinking about “interesting” things, I’m generally actually thinking about “bad” things that you can do with it.  With this in mind, let’s come up with a quick list of janky artifacts that you can value with this guy! I’d like to start with crap like Lux Cannon, the Towers from Mirrodin, and possibly Urza’s Blueprints.  Sold yet? No? OK! Well what if I tempt you with a little bit of Soul Foundry and/or Prototype Portal? Still not sold? What if I throw in the Stations for the big win? Do you hate me yet? I sure do!

So, the most interesting thing you can do with this is to build the obvious Red Mono-Brown ComboFest deck, minus all the combo engines.  Sorry, world.

It’s a BARD!

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Buy a lute and serenade the table with the dulcet tones of your sweet, sweet singalongs?  No, for reals, there’s nothing the world needs more right now than a lute-based version of “Me So Horny,” and you’re the individual for the job! Hey, it’s 2014! Barring that, probably something with cascading mana costs.  I’m not sure exactly what this wants in the 1-slot, but between Fauna Shaman, Rofellos, and some other value crap you are basically good to go once you hit 2 (and up).

How does it compare to previous generals?

I won’t lie: mono-green has a LOT of competition for good generals.  Is this better than any of them? Sure, although his ability is extremely build-around, which makes him a suboptimal choice for the leader of a generic mono-green GoodStuff build.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Between the existence of Animar and Thuric Rawr, I’m not sure the All Creatures Toolbox deck is really interesting anymore, but if so, and if you want to go down to one color, here’s your guy!  Barring that, the most interesting thing you can do with this guy is try to build some theme deck that hits all of the various character classes from Dungeons & Dragons, because why not?

What do y’all think?  Did this hit the mark, or crash and burn fantastically?  Did I miss something (obvious or interesting?)  What are you planning to do with these things?

Hit me up in the comments below.

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Ok then!  See y’all in September, for my stunning thoughts on Khans of Tarkir!

You’re beautiful.

XO,
->Mr. P
@thingsMrPthinks

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The song of Mr. P
Is pure sleeze
And when he’s writing
It’s pretty exciting.