I wanted to toss this gem up both as the first original content in here, and while it was fresh on my mind. I’m sure if I wait any longer, my memory will get so foggy (oldmanrant…) that I’m sure I’ll start accusing the guy in the following story of causing the flat tire on my car, kicking puppies, being responsible for global warming, and anything else my spiteful old ass can come up with…
I headed down to Mass last night to catch up with my close friend Patrick and enjoy the regular Wednesday Night EDH League Game Gathering Thingamajig. I’m sure I’ll detail the inner workings of this ‘Jig on a later post, but for now, it breaks down to a $5 buy-in, split into pods, use a “points” list, and everyone gets a pack and a promo, with extra prizes for the over-achievers in the first game of the night.
What’s important to know here is that in the first game, I played my Kaalia build, and ended up with four total points; one for “first blood (first creature damage), one for “straight” (five consecutive casting cost permanents), and two points related to removing a player. One for the actual kill, and one for doing it with exact damage, which was made possible from an all-in Cauldron Dance netting me a hasty, pumped up Dragon Tyrant. I felt bad for eliminating the kid, a young guy I wasn’t familiar with playing an aggro Teysa list. Nevertheless, I won the night on points due to the kill, got my prize pack of Innistrad, opened my fourteenth Curse Of Death’s Hold, and moved on to the second casual game.
Now, I’m sure that I’d probably be bummed out after losing a game outright. I’m sure I’d have a hard time totally letting go of the crappy feeling too. This kid took it to a new level, however, proceeding to pound on me despite having no board position save one that was helping him more than it was helping me.
I blew the dust off of my Radiant mono-white angels theme deck for game two. I was thinking to myself that since the deck is so low on power and rarely gets played anymore, I may as well stretch its’ legs. (In retrospect, I’m starting to think I need to replace “stretch its’ legs” with “drag it out into a field and put a high-caliber slug between its’ eyes” the next time I get the bright idea to shuffle up with this pile…) I’m looking at an opening hand of Font Of Mythos and a whole bunch of Plains. This should turn out just fine, right?
That’s when I look over at Teysa Guy. He’s looking at me with a very thinly-veiled hatred in his eyes and salivating. He’s in for blood. I’m talking straight up Rocky IV-Ivan-Drago-Punches-Apollo-Creed’s-Head-Clean-Off bloodthirst. Oh shit.
I swallow nervously. “Heh…good thing I’m playing an angels theme deck and kept a hand full of lands over here…”, I try, but I don’t think he’s buying it. This is gonna hurt.
The game gets going. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m drawing land after land after land. Awesome. Just stick the Font and draw into some business, I tell myself. Yeah. No worries.
I stick the Font on turn four. TG untaps and violates me for ten with Teysa, Hero Of Bladehold, and Hero’s token buddies. Awesome.
Meanwhile, Patrick is playing “Five Color Friendship.” He tables Psychic Surgery with a maniacal laugh.
I untap and draw my three:
I drop the Seraph and pass. TG untaps.
“Pillory Of The Sleepelss your angel. Attack you for 14.”
What the hell? Pretty sure one of the other players had Primordial Hydra on the deck at that point. I see where this is going.
Patrick plays Underworld Dreams and takes a nearby small child’s lunch money.
Over the next few turns, my draws are roughly Plains, Plains, Gargoyle Castle, Plains, Caged Sun, Gauntlet Of Power, Plains, and Extraplanar Lens. I’m now responsible for making sure that TG’s lands produce triple mana and he draws triple cards.
You’d think logically…there’s no way, right?
Teysa Guy – “Untap, play Elesh Norn. Attack you for eleventy-billion?”
Why the hell not, right?