There seems to be some controversy about the EDH banned list. Should they ban more cards? Should they take cards off the list? Should it even exist?
Don’t worry, y’all. I got this.
Mr. P’s 5 point plan for Making the EDH Banned List Great Again
Step 0 (this doesn’t count as one of the 5 points):
Unban everything. Ok! Blank slate! Let’s go!
Step 1: Forget the Titans
You may have noticed that Primeval Titan was a big problem that ruined games. Sundering Titan too. You may have heard that old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again. Boom! You can’t fool Mr. P, Wizards! Titans need to go!
Effective immediately, let’s ban all cards with the word “Titan” in their name.
The nice thing about this approach to banning is that it is super easy to keep track of which cards are banned. You don’t need a smartphone or a printed list; just look at the title of the gosh-darn thing and see if it has the word “titan” in it and BOOM!
One controversial thing here is that some people will ask if this also bans Titania, Friend of Elves from being your General. Well, does it have the word “Titan” in it? Aren’t you glad you learned how to read?
I can hear the format getting healthier already.
Step 2: Forgotten Realms
People often point out that one of the issues with EDH is access to fast mana. You know what card they mean? Boundless Realms. For only 7 mana, you get a lot of fast mana. Time to close that loophole.
Effective immediately, let’s ban all cards with the word “Realm” in their name.
This is consistent with my genius banning approach of making the banned list super easy to remember by basing it on card names. Also, with this approach you won’t have to spend 20 minutes watching some douche (who might be you) resolve a Rise of the Dark Realms. Awesome!
Also, Teferi’s Realm is super irritating, so people will probably appreciate that I just banned it. Nice one, Mr. P!
Step 3: Eliminate the barrier to entry.
How come I can still play Timetwister and The Tabernacle at Pendrell Vale in my EDH deck, while Library of Alexandria is banned for being “too expensive”? Does this criteria make sense? No worries! I’ve got the answer;
Effective immediately, let’s ban every card worth more than $10.
Why $10? Lots of reasons! First off, I’m from Vermont, so you know I’ve got that New England Cheap thing going on hard. Second, $10 seems very reasonable. Third, at the rate Wizards is printing EDH “plant” cards (see all of the new set for examples), if your precious EDH staple goes over $10 (and subsequently gets banned), it won’t be long before they print some new thing that does basically the same thing except for less mana. It’s all good! I have all the best plans! We’re going to make EDH great again!
I understand this criteria is hard to keep track of, and will lead to some weird situations where you can play your Skyshroud Claim but not your Foil Skyshroud Claim, but just think how barrierless the format will be after this happens. Winning!
Step 4: Combo-b-gone
Combos ruin games. I should know.
Effective immediately, let’s ban every card that is part of a combo.
(Feel free to continue this thought process for as long as it takes. You’re welcome.)
Step 5: The Real Problem
Effective immediately, blue mana can’t be produced in EDH.
Now, I know you’re all like “yo, Mr. P! Why you gotta ban Blue cards?” Hold up. I’m not banning Blue cards. You can still put them in your decks all day long. You just can’t cast them. Have fun looking at the Palinchron and Deadeye Navigator in your hand and envisioning a world where you could generate Blue mana to cast them! Big win!
In conclusion, the banned list sucks and I just made it better. I’m awesome. That’s my conclusion. #MBLGA!
Mr. P would like to remind you that in the time it took you to read this POS article, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, and a bunch of other rich white men were working hard to give their millionaire buddies a tax cut by taking health care away from like 20+ million people. Just sayin’. Also, Mr. P wrote an article once that someone who played at a GP possibly read. You should take his ideas pretty seriously.