You knew it was coming…

Ruric Thar, the Unbowed

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

It’s big.  It’s dumb.  It attacks a lot.  Winner!  It’s the general of R/G big-dumb-attacks-a-lot!

I want it to have trample.

How does it compare to previous generals?

It’s big.  It’s dumb.  It attacks a lot.  It’s red-green.  It hates spells, apparently.

I want it to have trample.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

This is probably a bad choice for a legendary creature to start off with, as this question really answers itself. This thing is awesome.  Go with yourself.

Flavor?

Big! Dumb! RAWR!
Vorel of the Hull Clade
What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Perhaps you built a “Proliferate” deck (I know I did.)  Perhaps you wanted to cut black from your Proliferate deck (I know I don’t.)  Perhaps you always thought Gilder Bairn should have been legendary (huh, what?)  Either way, the most obvious thing you can do with this is combine it with Doubling Season,  Copy Enchantment, Corpsejack Menace, and anything that can create multiple copies of Corpsejack Menace to create MATH!.dec.  How many +1/+1 counters does that Vigean Hydropon come into play with?  How many more will it get when I activate Simic Counters Thing Man?  Why can’t it attack or block?  WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW!

How does it compare to previous generals?

The topic of comparing the ups and downs of the various existent Simic generals has been the basis of substantially more discussion time on this blog than it reasonably should, as Cass endlessly debates what his general for his GenCon metagame hate thing should be.  The good news is, this won’t muddy the waters in that discussion at all unless Cass suddenly decides that he wants to spend some time being cute while losing to HermitDruid.dec.

For everyone else, this is a nice alternative to Experiment Kraj if you want to build a “counters matter” deck.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

VEXING SPHINX!  HOW VEXED AM I?  TERRIBLY VEXED!  DRAW ALL THE CARDS!  WINNER!

Flavor?

Nice counters, brah.  Have some more.

Teysa, Envoy of Ghosts
What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

I’m not entirely sure this one suggests anything obvious.  Nice work, Wizards!

How does it compare to previous generals?

Of course, just because it doesn’t suggest anything obvious doesn’t make it interesting.  I won’t lie: while this is the third general I’m discussing in this article, I actually wrote this section last as I honestly have no clue what to say about this thing. 
Ummmmmmmmm, it’s OK?

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Build something that isn’t White-Black GoodStuff?  Have fun!

Flavor?

Remember how last time I inspired everyone to build a combo deck that didn’t actually work?  Sorry!  Here, let me inspire you to build nothing!

Melek, Izzet Paragon
What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Dust off that foil Galvanoth, kids, because its time to party!

How does it compare to previous generals?

Finally, Cass’s IzzitLotsOfSpells.dec has a general!  This is definitely (for the moment) the most “balanced” Izzit general in the sense that it won’t get you immediately hated on (hi, Jhoira and the Niv-Mizzits) and isn’t Tibor and Lumia.  Of course, this reputation for being fair will last about six minutes until the first time Skippy shows up with his “Hey, check out my extra turns!” deck.  Prepare to be hated on for the assumption that you are playing multiple extra turn effects!

(Of course, you might actually be playing multiple extra turn effects.  God forbid anyone builds a good deck on Mr. P’s watch!)

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Build something with lots of spells? What else were you going to do?

Flavor?

Tiny head! Giant butt! Do that again!

Mirko Vosk, Mind Drinker

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

MILL DECK!

How does it compare to previous generals?

Blue-black has apparently been designated as the “mill colors”, and as such the new push is apparently to make every blue black legend either something that interacts with mill (Lazav, Wrexial, etc), or something that actually mills (Oona, Szadek, this guy), or something that is Grimgrin (which doesn’t have anything to do with mill, although zombies were the “mill tribe”, and they happens to be blue-black, which you should interpret however you want.)  Is this thing better than Szadek? That was a trick question!  Everything is better than Szadek! Is it better than Oona?  HA!

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Shirtless men.dec!  Lookout!

Flavor?

We flies! We mills! We waxes our chest!

Lookout Devil Woman Tonight! (Exava, Rakdos Blood Witch)
What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Turn it sideways for the GOD DAMN WIN!

How does it compare to previous generals?

In terms of aggressive, hasty, red-black things, Lookout Devil Woman Tonight is very aggressive, very hasty, and is going to look awesome in foil.  Sadly, while she interacts well with the other unleash guys, the number of black or red creatures that natively have +1/+1 counters on them is relatively low, although the fact that there are some, and many of them are hydras,  suggests an amusing deck idea.  Heyyyyyy….

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Other than the sweet Hydras deck I just suggested?  Pick up a box of Fallen Empires for six bucks on eBay and build a deck with all the bizarro counters that Fallen Empires puts on things.  Quick, what type of counter does Soul Exchange put on things?  WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?

Ok, so this idea is rubbish, but that’s because Lookout Devil Woman Tonight is awesomely aggressive and non-linear.  Build whatever the hell you want!

Flavor?

Evil lurks!  Evil lurks in twilight!  WALK AWAY!!!!!!

Tajic, Blade of the Legion
What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Hope it goes up in value, so you can trade it to standard players.  Barring this, build some White-Red attacks-a-lot thing.

How does it compare to previous generals?

Well, it won’t peacock you the way Gisela will, so that’s something.  It costs roughly eleven mana less than Razia, so that’s something (anyone remember when Razia was played in Type 1 Reanimator for like a week?  Me neither.)  It’s pretty similar to Agrus Kos, although it’s probably better because Agrus Kos is kinda terrible.  So that’s something.

The real question with this guy is, is he better than the Aurelia that is the general of the new White-Red thing you built exactly one set ago.  Sadly, the answer is probably not or, more specifically, not as the general of an aggro deck, which suggests some sort of bizarro White-Red control thing.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Well, he’s indestructible, so the prospect of him anchoring some sort of weird control thing seems present.  I remember the myth of some mono-White Konda Wraths-a-lot thing floating around, and that would probably be better with red because you could Wrath and then play crap like Dragon Fodder or Raise the Alarm with Super-Haste in play to do a lot of damage.  Of course, this may actually be the most obvious thing to do with this guy, so that’s something, too.

Flavor?

I’m small.  I’m small.  I’m small.  I’M HUGE!!!!!

Lavinia of the Tenth

What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Figure out how to blink it every turn (let me help: perhaps with Nephalia Smuggler or Deadeye Navigator My Favorite Card), thereby continuing to propagate the notion that the only thing you can do with White-Blue is build the most annoying deck of all time.

How does it compare to previous generals?

I’m a little unclear on what this thing actually does, so excuse me for a minute. (/Me wanders off.)  Oh, right.  NONLAND permanents.  That seems important in the annoyance scale.  Let me retract that previous statement: this thing is pretty aggressively mediocre, unless your metagame is filled with decks that run a ton of mana rocks or utility dudes.   As a 4/4 with (pretty functionally) no evasion for 5, Azorious Detain-thing seems much more likely to get slotted in as a utility beater then to be put in charge of the whole show.  Of course, with that said, I’m sure I’ll lose to Skippy blinking this thing every turn with Deadeye Navigator My Favorite Card.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Holy potatoes, Mr. P is complaining about Deadeye Navigator My Favorite Card again!  Welcome back, Mr. P!

This one also gets my vote for “Hope it becomes standard-playable, so you can move them.”

Flavor?

Stop that! Stop that!  STOP THAT!

Varolz, the Scar-Striped
What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

I think that has already been figured out, judging by the fact that Death’s Shadow is now worth more than twelve cents.  On the other hand, Force of Savagery is still a bulk rare, so even the most obvious thing you can do with this has some standards.

Also, Regeneration is a fairly unimpressive ability in a format where all the Wrath effects generally ignore it.  Just sayin’.

How does it compare to previous generals?

Black-Green continues to be somewhat starved for options, and this guy probably won’t see much EDH action, unless your looking to rock some bizarro General Damage based scavenge thing.  Thee single biggest strikes agains scavenge are 1) it’s sorcery-speed and 2) it RFGs your guys.  Last I checked, most EDH decks (especially ones running black) didn’t want to RFG their own guys.

Whatever.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

Have we reached critical mass yet for Trolls tribal?  You could build TROLL!.dec, which would run a bunch of Trolls and also a bunch of “trolling” effects, probably in the form of discard and possibly land destruction.  I hate this idea already.

Flavor?

Remember that scene in Freddy Got Fingered (which is kind of an underrated classic, sort of not really) where Tom Green decides to wear road kill for some reason?  That’s this guy.  Wearing dead things!
Emmara Tandris
What is the most obvious thing you can do with it?

Wow.  Sell it to a dealer for twelve cents?

How does it compare to previous generals?

I know Jasmine Boreal is not on the reserve list, as they reprinted it in Time Spiral.  Marhalut Elsdragon is also available for reprint, as he was in Chronicles.  If Jasmine Boreal and Marhault Elsdragon wandered off to have a love child, it would probably be something similar to this thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about generals that are a bit off the beaten path (this article is written by someone who has a Ramirez DiPietro deck), but good lord.  This thing is horrible.  I had initially hoped that this might be able to replace Tolsimir Wolfblood as the general of My 1st EDH, until I saw what it did.  Yikes.

What is the most interesting thing you can do with it?

I have no idea.  Token deck?  What else would you do with it?

Flavor?

According to the word around the Internet campfire, this thing originally had some better ability that got switched to some mythic thing when they realized that ability was too good at Rare.  So I guess the flavor if this thing is “We don’t want to print constructed staples at rarities below Mythic.” 
That wasn’t cynical or anything…

XO,

->Mr. P