Oh hey!

One of the things I struggle with is that I have sort of lost the enthusiasm to write long, soulful articles about philosophical crap.  I feel like at this point, everyone who reads this site regularly understands that we are pretty married to the “casual” aspect of this format, and as such, writing another 6,000-word thing about how I hate combo decks seems like a complete waste of everyone’s precious time. 

That, and I find writing stuff like that to be exhausting.  Instead, I’ve gravitated towards writing brief, episodic, snarky things like this thing I’m writing right now.  Oh hey!

Of course, what better way to be episodic and snarky than to sign up for Twitter, the pulsing heart of Internet snarkyness?  Awesome!  Quick, go follow Mr. P at @thingsMrPthinks!  You’ll be sorry!

So anyways, here are some other things Mr. P thinks (that couldn’t be expressed in 140 characters or less.)

-Legacy makes me sad

For some reason, Cassidy feels as though he needs to play Legacy for some reason.  I won’t lie; I have no idea what the motivation behind this is, especially since there is absolutely no “Legacy scene” around here.  Whatevs.  So anyways, we went to this Legacy thing last Sunday.

(Editor’s Note: The “Legacy thing” was StarCityOpen: Worcester, for those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter.  Stay tuned for the tournament report.  It’ll be a hoot.)

First off, I haven’t played Legacy since probably 2006, and that was before Tarmogoyf was printed, which is to say it was before the concept of a “fifty dollar Standard card” was normal.  Awesome!  I have a very strange collection; if a card is considered a “Legacy staple” and is worth more than $75 and was printed in 1996, I undoubtedly have at least 4 of them, and if a card is considered a “Legacy staple” and is worth more than $20 and was printed in 2011, I undoubtedly traded them all for foils for my EDH decks.  I’m awesome!

What this means is that when I try to netdeck a bunch of Legacy decks, there is invariably some new card that I don’t have because it’s expensive and EDH-terrible, so I traded all the ones I opened for things like Foil Vendillion Clique. 

Here’s a current partial list of “Legacy staples” that suck in EDH that I own exactly zero of:

*Tarmogoyf

*Geist of Saint Traft

*Liliana of the Veil

*Jace the Mind Sculptor

*Thoughtseize

As you can imagine, this makes it difficult to build anything not named “Ad Nauseum Tendrils” or “Goblins” (or I suppose “Burn”, although even that involves removing a whole bunch of fetchlands from my EDH decks.)

This is the first reason Legacy makes me sad: every deck (inculding the mono-color things) runs like ten fetchlands.  I understand this is optimal, because it mathematically reduces your chances of drawing unnecessary lands later in the game, but it also makes me sad, because people apply this same logic to EDH, and then I see people playing seven fetch lands in their two-color EDH deck.  Whatever.

The ten fetchlands in every Legacy deck thing also means that the things that people refer to as “budget” decks still cost at least $500 to get off the ground.  I get that this game is expensive, but that still sucks.

(BORING MATH PART)

I suppose right about now you’re saying “Hold up, asshat.  If that’s really such a problem, why not just run Burn without fetchlands?”  That’s a good question! 

If we want to get into a boring math aside, let’s take a moment to consider the math of it all.  Let’s say, for the sake of easy numbers, you have a deck that is has 60 cards and 20 lands, and you mulligan to six and keep a two-lander.  This means you have 18 lands left in your 54-card library.  This means that if you are playing the “all mountains all the time” plan, you have a 1-in-3 chance of drawing a mountain next turn, or 33.3% probability.

Ok – so let’s say you have a fetchland in hand, and you crack it on turn one.  You fetch a Mountain, meaning you now have 17 lands left in your 53-card deck.  This reduces the probability of drawing a Mountain to 32.07%.  Fascinating!

This is good, because it gives you the same probability of drawing a Mountain with your first draw as you would get if you didn’t fetch on turn one and ACTUALLY drew a Mountain on turn one.

Now let me ask you this: 

WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT THIS IN EDH?

Stop playing off-color fetch lands in mono-color EDH decks!

(END BORING MATH PART)

The other reason Legacy makes me sad is that because since there’s such a clearly defined sense of what the “best” cards are, it’s very difficult to deviate from them.  If, say, you’re trying to build some Threshold thing, there’s absolutely no reason to run Werebear over Tarmogoyf (other than “I don’t own Tarmogoyf.”). This is obviously very different than EDH, where if you don’t own Polluted Deltas, you can run something like Bad River instead and it makes almost no difference in how your deck plays.

(This is not a criticism of Legacy, so much as an acknowledgement that it is no longer a format for me.  I feel like my approach to EDH has been to actively try to get away from “optimizing” decks in favor of trying to build things that are fun, interesting, and enjoyable to play with and against.  This is obviously something you can’t do in Legacy, or in any other competitive format.)

I talk too much.

-Prepare for a deluge of Skippy building a Slivers deck

This is SO coming.  Start picking up Plague Slivers right now, kids.  Slivers are the new Primal Surge.

-M14!

Have they spoiled all of the mythics in this thing yet?  (Editor’s note – Yup.)  Can we now officially state that all of the non-Planeswalker mythics in M14 were designed solely for EDH?   Because boy, does it seem like it.

Awesome!

-Keeping score in the Monster tournament

The Zombie apocalypse keeps happening.  Vampires would like to drink your blood, and/or make sweet love to you, if you believe what you read and/or see on TV.  Werewolves would like to bite your face and/or make sweet love to you, if you believe what you read and/or see on TV.

Sadly, no one seems to want to make a movie where the Creature From the Black Lagoon wants to scratch you with claws and/or make sweet love to you.

Also, where is my modern update of the Mummy, where some old-ass mummy sips cognac and tries to make sweet love to you?  Oh wait, that’s a documentary about Hugh Hefner’s life.  Never mind.

That was great!

-PucaTrade!

I signed up for PucaTrade, and I started filling out my “wants list” by inputting all of the cards I need to finish foiling out all forty of my decks, and then I saw the thing that was like “we don’t support foils” and I was like, “that’s nice.”

I’m assuming Cassidy will let me know when PucaTrade starts supporting foils.  That’s when I’ll start using PucaTrade.  (Noted – Editor)

-Legacy staples

I’ve started thinking about what might be the next Shallow Grave – a card that is worth nothing worth nothing, worth nothing, worth oh hey $20! (Helm of Obedience also says “hi!”)  As some of the poor bastards who follow me on Twitter noticed, my current obsession is Serum Powder.

Here’s my logic: at some point in (I would suspect) the near future they’re going to print something that makes a cheap two-card combo with something that already exists.  This will enable some Legacy combo deck that wants to power out that two-card combo as quickly as possible.  This will cause Serum Powder to suddenly become a Legacy staple for three weeks until they ban one of the combo pieces. 

You heard it here first.

(Did I mention I don’t have the first idea what I’m talking about?)

-Screw this card

It’s not too late to comment on Cass’s article from last week regarding which card you want to punch IN THE FACE.  After play testing Legacy the other night, I’m going to nominate Enter the Infinite as my choice for “card that I am annoyed they printed.”  It just smacks of trying too hard to print something “epic.”

Seriously, the artwork for that card should just show a picture of the card Omniscence with the words “PLAY THIS ONE FIRST” superimposed on it.  I’m not opposed to the idea of cards that have synergy, but the sense of “after you play this one (points to Omniscience), then you play this one (points to Enter the Infinite)” is pretty hard to ignore.  Thanks, man!

Hey look, I can bitch about everything!  That’s enough for right now.  Am I wrong about Legacy?  Does the fetchland thing really not matter in EDH after all?  Is Enter the Infinite really fun?  (Rhetorical question…)  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the Comments.

XO,

->Mr. P

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Mr P is renowned for taking existing archetypes and trading them for crap foils.  His deck designs are mocked pretty much everywhere, and nobody likes him.