Goddamn am I tired! This edition of Scroll Rack is dedicated to everybody out there making an honest living the hard way. My glass is raised to you. Submissions are now coming in at a steady pace, which I’m incredibly thankful for. Remember to include #ScrollRack for your tweet to be considered. Now let’s get to some EDH questions!

 

Erik, the first step is admitting you have a problem (single clap; not that funny). Seriously though, fifteen turns is plenty of time in multiplayer EDH to reach a game’s outcome. There’s a reason people typically include a disclaimer when talking about their distaste for “Pestermite” combos and the like: excessively long games. That said, I try not to think of how long an optimum game lasts in number of turns, but rather that game’s story arc. Once you’ve seen everybody jockeying for position, rising action and the eventual taking of heads by a victor, you can prepare for the next round. Until then, amuse yourself with Tupac Shakur, cat token proliferator extraordinaire: tupac with cats

I’ll admit this question has continued to stump me. In attempting to divine the Mad Aussie’s powerful wisdom, I’ve gone down the rabbit hole with cards like “Platinum Angel” only to find more questions than answers. In my experience, seeing a player scoop in response to lethal damage is a clear message to the rest of your board: put up your dukes or join me in Scoopsville, population: durdlers. Saving your friends from a sword trigger is good fun here and there, but for myself I’ll take the lumps that go with a failed clash.

 I’ve asked my guy CK to step in and battle this question. Once he’s provided a clear written response, I’ll follow up with my own animated answer. To begin, CK: I don’t know what morals you stand by, but if it’s been a two-hour slugfest and the pizza is getting cold, I’d totally Radiate that Vindicate and then say, “Pizza and beer, WE EAT!” Nicely done, CK! Throwing down mass removal is a great way to ring the dinner bell. When I first saw Mr. P’s tweet about “Radiate” I kinda felt like Chris Farley:

Only to decide that mono red always deserves to see the world burn, so let’s go with this one instead:

I’d suggest farting but I know Jon to be a classy gentleman, so we’ll keep that in the bag of tricks for next time. Backseat magic players are at best a slight frustration, at worst a problem that can lead to consequences. The first thing I’ll do when encountering this type is set my hand down on the table, sometimes as soon as they lean in to see what I have. This type of non-verbal communication is enough with most folks. From the opposite perspective, I try to make a point of telling people not to coach during games. During a tournament last year we actually had to shoo people out of the room so that two players could finish their game without tampering. One player was far more experienced, and facing a win as long as his novice opponent did not realize the potential in front of them. That led to some awkward, whispered coaching from an observing friend that you just have to stop ASAP. Normally nobody would fault a newbie for receiving some much needed advice, but when there are things at stake, I’ll let John Goodman do the talking for me:

That’s all for this edition of Scroll Rack, thanks again to everybody who submitted, and CK for lending a helping hand. If you’ve got a question regarding EDH, get at me @KingnArlo. Peace!