So you built the Primal Surge deck because you wanted to do something EPIC! Because EDH is the format of EPIC! plays.  EPIC!  Then you played a few games and every time you cast Primal Surge your opponents rolled their eyes and scooped up their cards before you even got to flip over your entire deck and explain in painstaking detail how EVERY CARD IS A PERMANENT!  SEE, THERE ARE NO NON-PERMANENT CARDS IN THE DECK!  PRIMAL SURGE ALLOWS ME TO PUT THE ENTIRE DECK IN PLAY!  WAIT, WHERE’S MY WARSTORM SURGE?  WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?  WHY IS NO ONE IMPRESSED?  I BUILT THE PRIMAL SURGE DECK!  SEE, THE DECK IS ALL PERMANENTS!
How Epically boring.

Don’t worry – Mr. P is here to help.

I’m not going to tell you not to play Primal Surge.  What I am here for is to help you understand that there is nothing EPIC! about a one-card combo that wins the game and bores everyone to death simultaneously.  If you really want to do something EPIC! with Primal Surge, here is the answer.

I’m serious.

The problem with the typical Primal Surge deck is that for a deck that is supposed to do something EPIC!, it is way, way too safe.  If all you have to do is resolve a ten-mana spell to win on the spot, you are not trying hard enough.  You are not living on the edge.  You are not Mr. P.  You are not doing anything EPIC!, or even particularly memorable.

Welcome to the Danger Zone.

If you really want to do something EPIC! with Primal Surge, you have to turn the resolution of Primal Surge into something tense, exciting, terrifying, and horrible.  You need to make Primal Surge the card that will either kill everyone, or kill you.  You need to make Primal Surge into a massive game of chance, where every flip ramps up the tension. 
Remember that old game show Press Your Luck? Meet the Whammies, baby.

These nine cards are the key to making Primal Surge fun.  All of a sudden, resolving Primal Surge will be just as dangerous for you as it is for your opponents.  No longer will people glaze over and start checking their phones when you cast it; instead they will be crowded over the table, waiting to see what you flip, and (more importantly) if you have what it takes to keep flipping. This seems like the basis for an awesome drinking game.

Let’s say that you cast Primal Surge on turn ten, having cast nothing else for the entire game.  This means you have seen 17 of the 99 cards in your deck, meaning if you have none of the Whammies in your hand, you have an almost one-in-nine chance of JUST LOSING when Primal Surge finishes resolving!  EPIC!!!!  Imagine how awesome a game it would be to flip three-quarters of your deck, each time getting closer to the inevitable whammy!  When would you stop?  Is it worth trying to squeeze a bit more value out of Primal Surge in the face of the possibility of JUST LOSING?  How awesome would it be to Primal Surge Phage into play, and JUST LOSE?
This idea is so awesome I am almost tempted to build this myself.

Obviously, to support this deck you need to be in five colors, and you can fill the other 89 slots with anything you want; I would encourage you to run all of the requisite cards Primal Surge decks run to win in the boring way, knowing that when you do actually win with this thing, it will be legitimately memorable because you will have earned it.

This idea rules.  What did I miss?  Who’s got more Whammies for Mr. P to play with?  Hit me up.

Alternately, here’s another way to make your Primal Surge deck more interesting: take Primal Surge out of the deck.

XO,

->Mr. P

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Looking for some trouble tonight? Take Mr. P’s hand, he’ll show you the wild side.